Fear can be paralyzing… or fattening

I had a rough food day today.  Sugar is my kryptonite and there was plenty of it in shape of cookies and chocolate.  At first I was really down on myself for letting it get the best of me, and then I started to try and figure out why today was any different than yesterday or the days before.  At first I was thinking how I was in a daylong meeting and the food was just sitting in front of me, but I’ve had plenty of meetings like that in the past 5 months that I made it through with flying colors.  I realized my problem was fear.

Not a physical fear like fear of spiders, germs or heights that a lot of people experience.  It’s a fear of change.  I’ve written about my tough week last week and how I was working through it, but that was on the intellectual side of my brain.  I was still feeling a lot of anxiety, so I went and talked with a counselor to try and get some tools to help me emotionally cope with the change.  I learned something very interesting… This is the first major change in my life that I didn’t plan out or see coming.  I’m petrified of what’s on the other side of this change.  I’m excited for it as far as career opportunities, but how am I going to fit in with this new group, am I going to like my new projects, am I going to be able to be myself?  These are all worries that logic cannot answer.

I have been so consumed with working through this change at work to address this fear, that the rest of my life has been paralyzed.  I’ve been slacking on everything I want to do for Pampered Chef.  This means I don’t have the number of shows booked, or sales that I want.  (If you want to help me with this, feel free to order at www.pamperedchef.biz/jprug :)).  I’ve also slowed my motivation to keep to my Paleo way of living.  I’ve been slacking with allowing chocolate in and then today, BAM.  The sugar just got the best of me.

So what am I going to do?  Be mindful.  One of the new tools I’ve learned is to just take a few times a day to be mindful.  That’s when you focus on only what you’re doing in that very moment.  How many times do you eat dinner in front of the TV, or eat lunch while working, or read while working out at the gym.  I already do this at Crossfit.  The only way to make it through the WODs (workout of the day) is to be focused on every movement I need to make with the proper form.  I always feel exhausted, but calm after these workouts.  My body is at peace.  Now I’m going to pick 3 more times during the day to be mindful.  I already know that one of these times is going to be at lunch tomorrow!

I love my sister :)

I love my sister, mommy, daddy, erin, ryan... and the list goes on to everyone in my family and all of my friends!!!  After a rough emotional week, I decided to treat myself to a massage before heading home to celebrate my brother's birthday.  On my way home, I received a call from my sister saying my cousin was about to leave for the prom and wanted to know how far away I was to know if she should wait to leave.  I was close and really excited to see her all dressed up!  I'm pulling down my parents' street and see a group of people hanging out in the yard.  I started thinking that it was a lot of people to be there for just a quick stop before the prom... and then I saw my friend Ryan.

IT WAS A SURPRISE 30TH BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!

I started actually looking at all the people in the crowd and it was all my "Boston" friends, Jaclyn had flown up from Florida, Natalie, family friends, and lots of family!!!!  I was showered with confetti, hugs, and handed a Harpoon IPA.  I thought it couldn't get any better until my 5 year old nephew came over and asked if I wanted to go play in the bouncy house.  I HAD A BOUNCY OBSTACLE COURSE IN THE BACKYARD!!!!

At some point my car started to roll... In all the excitement, I had left my car in 3rd without the E-brake on... oops.  Good news is, I stopped it before it made it to the garage door!

I was on cloud 9, and I think I still am.  There was so much to take in and enjoy I truly felt loved.  There was Jenny Trivia, water balloon toss, obstacle course races, an awesome video collage from Erin, and lots of food!  I wasn't a perfect Paleo girl, but this was one of those life moments, that I wasn't going to feel guilty over it.  Chicken even got to enjoy in the fun and got a new outfit!

My family had planned an amazing Paleo feast of grilled chicken, salad, fruit salad... plus some other bbq basics for the non-paleos.  My friends were so proud they were eating Paleo, it was great to have them realize it's not so hard!  Then my cake came out.... My favorite cake in the whole wide world... yellow with a million strawberries on it :)

I did manage to have a small piece with extra strawberries, and it was just what I wanted.  When all was said and done... I had some cake, beer, and a glass of red wine.  Naturally I didn't feel 100% after, but I also didn't feel deprived.  I know that tomorrow is a new day and I'll be back on track without much thought or effort.  I also discovered that my friend Jaclyn from Florida has also being living the Paleo Lifestyle!  It was great to be able to share that with her and hear how awesome she's feeling!  Next step is getting her into a Crossfit gym, which I know she'll kick ass at!  She's planning on checking it out after completing her first Triathlon in June.  Check us out doing handstands with the bouncy house!

So here I am... less than a month from my real 30th birthday.  I feel amazing enough to dash through the obstacle course a million times, do handstands, have water balloon fights, enjoy yummy food, and be emotionally aware enough to feel the love from every direction.  I am truly blessed to have such amazing friends and family.  Even felt the love through text message and passed along word from those who couldn't attend!  A special thanks to my sister Chrissy, who I know was the master mind behind this bash.  I'm so impressed you started planning in February and I had NO IDEA!

Thank you and love you!

Pictures from the Day!

Paleo Lifestyle

Some how I've made it through this very emotional week on track with my eating!  I love the Paleo lifestyle.  6 months ago, this week would have been filled with pizza, ice cream, and chocolate.  My body didn't want it though, and it was easy for me to continue eating healthy!

For those of you not familiar with the term "Paleo," it's also referred to as the Caveman diet.  Basically, anything I caveman would have eaten is fair game.  Rule of thumb is if it doesn't grow from the ground, have a mother, or a face then DO NOT EAT IT!  There's tons of information out on the web about this lifestyle, so I'm not going to go into too much detail, but after living this way for just over 5 months I'm down 38lbs and feel amazing.  I've started to really see food as fuel.  I can recognize when I need more protein or healthy fats to keep me satisfied.  I'm not consistently thinking about what I'm going to eat next, or how many calories it is.... OHHHHH, that's the BEST part of Paleo.  I have NOT counted one stupid calorie since eating this way.  That's right... down 38lbs and NO CALORIE counting.  I do keep a food journal, but that just has my thoughts and feelings (sometimes pictures) about what I eat and why.  It's a great release for me, and it allows me to go back and make connections to how I was feeling and what "fuel" my body was running on.

Great thing about the Paleo lifestyle is that it doesn't have to be an all or nothing.  I haven't given up chocolate... but I am working to reduce my intake just for special occasions.  Same with alcohol... I do love a good Harpoon IPA :)  I plan out my events when I get to enjoy an IPA treat.  This past weekend was the 4th Annual Wig Night Out!  It's a fabulous bar crawl that you get to dress up and have fun.  I was careful with the amount of beer I drank, and was still able to have a fantastic time!  I actually went home and drank a protein shake before going too bed.  I could only think about Kendra's Teeter Totter, and that I had way to many carbs in my body and I needed to even it out with protein!  For those of you who haven't gotten the 411 on the Teeter Totter... don't worry it's coming :)

I'm so happy I gave this lifestyle a shot and learned what's really going on in my body when I eat.  More to come on what I'm actually eating on a daily basis, but for now check out http://www.marksdailyapple.com/.  He's got a lot of great information on what he calls "Primal Living." 

Interested in learning more about Wig Night Out, check out our website!  http://www.wignightout.com/

Significant Life events at 8am Monday morning

Well... didn't expect to be writing today, but this blog is about my life and it's ups and downs.  At 8am this morning (yes I actually made it to work that early) my manager brought me into his office and shut the door... never a good sign unless it's salary action time (it wasn't). 

Turns out they had decided to reorganize my subsection and I was getting moved to a different group.  My jaw dropped, I said "I think I'm going to cry," and then I cried.  To say I'm an emotional person is a huge understatement.  The move is not necessarily a bad one.  There is lots of great work in the new group, but I wasn't prepared to leave my "family."  I joined GE Aviation because of this group.  I always saw myself working in this group until I was ready to move into a more business type role.  I know they will always be there for me and invite me to group events, but it's just not the same.  I feel like I'm being kidnapped and it was my parents idea.

As the day went on and even now I'm sorting through my emotions and trying to get a grasp on what this means and what opportunities it opens.  In the mean time, I started to think about how I reacted.  A coworker mentioned she wish she had chocolate to give me.  It took me back a minute, because 6 months ago I just would have gone to the vending machine and gotten a candy bar and the cupcakes that probably have been in there for centuries.  I didn't want to though, the idea of it made me sick.  I'm very lucky that my amazing friend Alissa recognized that I needed to get off site for lunch and we enjoyed a nice lunch at Tides... Steak tips and broccoli :)  soooo yummy.  It was just the break I needed.

I wasn't very focused at work and knew I needed to move my body to release the pent up frustration.  Left work a bit early and went over the gym where I ran, beat up a punching bag, and did some pull ups/dips.  From there I went to Crossfit to make sure I had absolutely no energy left... and succeeded.  Sitting here right now, I feel good about myself.  To say that at the end of a very emotional day is very surprising and exciting for me.  It also helps that I came home to all your great feed back from my first post.  Thank you for your support it means a lot to me, especially on a day like today! 

First of Many (I promise the rest won't be this long)

Welcome to what I'm hoping will be a fun way to share my story and maybe teach someone something new :)  For those of you who don't know me, I've put a brief description of what I do on the side.  This blog is more about who I am, so to start things off I'll share a little history :)

The one word that most people use to describe me is loud... oh wait, I meant to say energetic.  Truth is, I'm both.  When I was younger my Dad always called me Tigger because I would bounce all over the place.  Growing up I loved sports, tap dance, and camping with the family.  By high school I was playing basketball year round and managed to squeeze in soccer, softball, track & field, marching band, jazz band, student council... the list could go on.  I am your typical Type A personality that wants to do it all.  The one thing I was never able to do was keep my weight in check.  I was always self conscious of it, even when I was wearing a size 12 freshman year, I thought I was huge.  I didn't let that hold me back with sports though.  I played with the confidence I could do anything and I loved it!

I went to college at Northeastern University for Mechanical Engineering.  I loved studying topics that actually appealed to me and doing co-op rotations at GE Aviation.  The only thing that was still out of place was doing something about my weight.  After traveling to London on spring break to visit a friend, I was totally inspired.  She had lost 60lbs since I'd seen her last and looked amazing.  I came home a new person.  Instantly signed up for Weight Watchers and started to hit the gym 2 hours a day during the week.  It took about 8 months to lose almost 50lbs and I was at my smallest ever and wearing a size 8!  It was great to go shopping with my roomies and feel good about how clothes were fitting. 

I now felt like I could finally do some things I always thought would be impossible.  Top on the list was run a marathon!  I hated running in high school, but at the gym that's all I knew how to do.  I signed up with Team in Training to run the Walt Disney World Marathon in 2005.  I trained and fundraised for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society with my roommate.  We graduated that December and 2 weeks later ran our first marathon together!  I was almost in tears crossing the finish line... not from the pain, or the heat, but from the pride I had in myself for that accomplishment and helping an organization that was bigger than me.

Unfortunately, my size and running took a hit fairly soon after that.  I had some knee problems after the race which cut my exercise routine drastically.  I was upset so I would turn to food.  I was eating the foods that were higher in Weight Watchers points because I wouldn't let myself eat them before.  It was the beginning of a downward spiral.  Food quickly turned into a love/hate relationship.  No matter how hard I tried with exercise and getting back "on the wagon," I always seem to fall short.  I managed to not only gain back the weight I lost, but gained twice the amount.  I was disgusted with myself.

During this time I started going to counseling to deal with all the emotions I was having with my weight, working full time, and handling stress.  It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.  I think everyone should see a conselor at some point in their lives.  I really learned to except who I am and gained the tools to handle stresses in my life. 

So where does this get me... Still running and exercising a lot, still struggling with food and being overweight, but a lot happier with myself.  I was just missing something that would click in my head and align my physical body with my mental body.  In walks Kendra from Merrimack Valley Chiropractic to my life. 

I was very lucky to be doing a Pampered Chef table at a fair and was stationed right next to Kendra.  Throughout the night we talked about what they do at their office and how it was more than just chiropractic.  It sounded just like what I needed.  My hip had been really bothering me, so I knew I needed a chiropractor and the wellness programs they ran sounded like just the thing I needed to get on track.  I started treatment with them at the beginning of November 2010. 

Kendra and Dr. Ryan are two of the most in shape people I have ever met.  I started noticing all these people in their office that were in great shape and wearing Crossfit shirts.  I was intrigued and couldn't resist trying it out for myself.  At the beginning of December 2010 I went to my very first crossfit "on ramp" session at Crossfit Route 1.  I was instantly hooked.  Danny V was my trainer and I'll never forget him looking at me and stating I'll be able to do a pull up if I stick with it.  No one in my life ever gave me that much confidence that I would be able to do something that I thought was impossible. 

By the middle of December I was meeting weekly with Kendra to go over the food journal I started and was going to crossfit 3 times a week.  I was really starting to feel like I was heading in the right direction.  In January Crossfit Route 1 had a 2 month Paleo Challenge.  I was excited to participate and see how this would work for me.  I had already made most of the changes in my diet toward Paleo, I just needed to take it more seriously.  For those of you unfamiliar with Paleo it's also known as the caveman diet.  You basically eat only unprocessed foods... meat, veggies, fruit, and nuts.  Sounds limiting, but after working with Kendra and changing 1 meal a week to Paleo I really wasn't missing the other types of food.  Well with the exception of chocolate, but that's a different story.  I'll talk more about it in another blog and how it's changed my life.

The outcome of this challenge... I won 3 out of the 4 categories.  The most weight lost (23lbs), the highest points (earned when you eat paleo, get sleep, and exercise), and most strength improved.  The strength was measured with our Crossfit Total which is your max press, max squat, and max deadlift.  I improved my total by 180lbs!!!

I continue to live the Paleo lifestyle even after the challenge.  I feel a million times better than I ever have in my life.  Not just because of the weight loss, but my mood is just plain better!  To this date I have lost a total of 35lbs and I am so excited to keep going.  I read an interesting article posted by another crossfit affiliate about "Skinny Fat."  It truly inspired me and made me think about my journey differently.  I am not doing this just to lose weight.  I am doing this to improve my health, feel good about myself, and show the world how I view myself by taking off my fat jacket. :)

I hope the really long post didn't bore you.  My future ones will be much shorter... mainly because I don't have the time or energy to keep doing ones this long.  I felt it was important to get my full story out, so that you know where I'm coming from in my stories and how much this journey has been more a life time than just the past 5 months.  Below are before and after pictures of me.  I will continue to update the "after" picture, since it will continue to change as my journey goes on!